Freed: With COVID restrictions lifting, what are the new etiquette rules?
Can you offer to high-five someone, or shake hands? Can you remain maskless throughout a movie, if you eat your popcorn ver-r-r-y slowly?
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Pandemic restrictions are lifting faster than our winter weather.
Many of us have started going to exotic destinations like dinner gatherings, restaurants and even, gasp — gyms.
But others are just emerging from their bunkers and are confused about what we can or can’t do. What are the new etiquette rules now that official ones are quickly ending?
Can you offer to high-five someone, or shake hands? Can you remain maskless throughout a movie, if you eat your popcorn ver-r-r-y slowly?
Can you double-dip Tostitos Chunky Hot Salsa again?
Don’t worry, Dr. Josh is here to address your angst and ease your anxieties. So ask any questions you have — as long as you’re wearing a mask.
OK, Dr. Josh: I’ve been living in my basement for two years, double-masked and triple-vaxxed, behind quadruple-barred doors. Now I’m ready to come out. What should I do if someone tries to shake my hand, or worse, two-cheek kiss me?
— Paranoid in Pointe-Claire
Dear Paranoid: Two-cheek kissing is still pretty rare, though many people are hugging again — their necks and heads craned away in opposite directions.
Some are shaking hands, but many won’t touch someone else’s hand if it’s inside a mitten, encased in bubble wrap. You’ve got to size up each person you meet in a silent dance before deciding what you’re both comfortable doing.
Look for subtle clues: Are they standing eight feet away, and wearing a mask and visor? Do they lurch backward when you lean forward — or lean in too close to hear you under your three masks?
You don’t want to insult someone who extends their hand, by staring at it like a filthy rag. Better to act first by offering whatever greeting makes you comfortable, whether a fist bump, or little Zoom-meeting wave.
To prevent an incoming hug, stand far back with your arms folded on your chest to discourage sudden lunges. To signal you don’t want to shake hands, just keep continuously scrubbing your fingers with sanitizer.
Dear Dr.: I’m ready to eat in a restaurant, but why are they eliminating vaccine passports on March 14?
— Worried-in-Westmount
Dear Worried: Dropping vaccine passports in stores made sense, as we were standing in 20-minute queues in the cold, for five minutes of shopping inside stores where everyone’s masked.
But restaurant/café passports still make some sense as we sometimes spend hours in them, with everyone unmasked. That is, unless we walk two feet to get some creamer or ketchup and must mask again — because science says COVID germs only attack people standing up to get condiments.
Still, nine out 10 Quebecers are vaccinated, so you’re statistically safe if you only eat in restaurants with nine tables or less.
If you’re nervous, you can always wear a mask while eating, though it’s challenging. Try practising with some olives, before attempting to slip an eight-inch tuna baguette under your mask — as your waiter may not know the Heimlich manoeuvre.
Dear Doctor-whatever-your-face: To celebrate bars reopening I went drinking with a friend for the first time in ages. But she suddenly leaned over without asking and took a sip of my cocktail! Should I unfriend her?
— Feh in Fabreville
Dear Feh: Before COVID, tasting a friend’s drink was acceptable for many, but now it’s like coughing on their dinner. Most people no longer fear touching the same doorknob as you, but they aren’t ready to share your martini or milkshake.
In Olden Days, parents taught their kids a rhyme that went: “Mable, Mable. Keep your elbows off the table.”
Today’s version is: “Kate, Kate. Keep your hands off my plate.”
Dear Doc: I haven’t talked to a stranger in two years and I forget how. What do I say to them?
— Ida-No-in-Ontario
Dear Ida: If you haven’t talked to anyone but yourself in two years, you probably have a huge amount to say. But don’t.
No one wants to hear a long monologue about how you’ve done nothing and seen no one for two years — or hear you list your 300 favourite Netflix shows they’ve probably seen.
Think dialogue, not monologue. Here are some recommended conversation-starters.
a) “Pardon, I was wondering if you know what month it is? I keep forgetting.”
b) “You know, you look very familiar, but I don’t recognize you without your mask.”
But don’t say: c) “Nice to meet you. Before we talk, ARE YOU VACCINATED?”
Or d): “Y’know you’re standing a little close. Do you mind if I take out my tape measure to check for six feet?”
It’s possible the only conversations you’ve had since COVID have been with automated voice-answering machines, asking you security questions. But remember: the rules are different for human chat.
You can’t just ask someone: “What is your mother’s maiden name, your date of birth and the make of your first car?”
But it is OK to ask: “What’s your favourite dessert?” Go for it!
Good luck coming out of your room and off of Zoom. But remember: if things get tricky, you can’t turn on mute.
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